I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
