I need help removing her.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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