porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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