am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
