I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
