dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
