Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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