She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
