girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
