she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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