don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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