I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
