It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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