So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
