There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
