I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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