It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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