my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it's great music for shaving your balls
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
