yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
