I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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