I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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