I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
