I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
