so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
