Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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