So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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