forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
