I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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