Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
