i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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