I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
