At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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