Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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