ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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