I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Are we still banned from the library?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
