when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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