why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
