I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize