Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
