took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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