I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
