billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
