Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
