Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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