Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
