How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
