the day after is always just damage control
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
