uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
