I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
wow bdsm is so cute
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
