oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
