Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize