Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
