I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize