Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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