Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
