smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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