how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
