Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
