oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
