Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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