What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
