I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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