so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
