I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
