I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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