I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
