if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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