I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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