I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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