THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Enjoy the penises
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
