i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
