I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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