I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize