I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
