You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
