I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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