You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
