How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
