Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
