That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I AM VODKA MAN
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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