im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
