I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
