kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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