This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
