Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
